i feel like lying today. i feel like go on and on, blabbering abt how happy i am. laughing all the way to alvin's house, marinated that poor chickens and so on.

but after i finished, i deleted that post.

why should i put on a strong front when i feel that everything is wrong? i really did some serious thinking before i decide to bare my soul in here, online.

this is my blog and all i wanted, is to sae i felt so terrible today.

now, stop being dumb. dun come running to me and ask me why. if i could reveal, i wouldnt have tried to lie in the first place.

*sigh*

dear gwad,

i really couldnt cope with the changes that u've made to my life. i know everything happens for a reason. but this is really too much. i spend half my life trying to make things simple, to strive for tranquility spirit. but instead of helping me, u made things perplexed.

everytime when bad things happen, i always tried to be sanguine. and after each sucessful time of cheering myself up, u hit me with suprises that werent nice. i guess somebody ought to tell u that suprises are supposed to be pleasant.

its like each time i am one step nearer to happiness, u would snip my rope and made me fall down and down, towards sadness, agony, etc. can i sae i hate u? like any human beings, i fear retribution.

i am just a mere human being without the intention of questioning Your ability, let alone fighting. i just wanted a simple life. and u choose to wreck me.

but if from the very beginning, u wanted to made a fool out of me..

fine, you win.

amen.