It always rain when I am sad. Never had nature once failed me.

*sigh.

I dun understand, perhaps I neva will. A quarrel in the morning is enff to make my eyes puffy and red. At that tutor's house, I was totally humiliated.

Given my character, I would yell and humiliate him back or perhaps flash my slender middle finger at him. But no, I did nth more den keeping quiet, staring at the floor, receiving each word like a whiplash to my ear.

I realised, I could no longer summon any courage anymore. I am tired.

At that moment, I really wish to break down and cry. Many of a time, there is only this much I can take, anymore is just like a bucket overflowing with water, I cant handle.

Looking at the world, I suddenly feel that I am so insignificant. No matter what misfortunes has befall onto me, nth will change for me. Trees are still there, clouds are still as white and tutors are still as fucked up as ever.

Sometimes, I wonder what is it like to just leave. Neva return. Neva look back. I am really tired. I feel like shrinking all my responsibility here and just walk away.

Everything is falling onto me. Its so heavy and no one bothers to help. I cant even breathe. I am showing signs of physical wear and tear. I going to die of exhuastion.

Every step I take provokes a wake of nausea, like when u lift your leg in the darkness to place it on a step, then there is no step, no rung, nothing. Just the smooth floor and an unexpected dizziness, a mental pirouette that turns the stomach upside down.

Man, I am crying.

I felt dreams withered and that cracks are beginning to appear in my hitherto round, indestructible sky. Life is not rainbows and butterfiles after all.

I am going to take a nap. And when I wake up, I'll be brave and cheerful again. I swear.