i am so unhappy.

its easy to start but is always never easy to keep.

It is always the beginnings that are the best.

Like when you are straving and it feels like you have been waiting for dinner for hours; the smell that lingers in the air tickled ur taste buds, making your mouth watery, teasing you until you take the very first bite that would make you feel so ridiculously statisfied and go giggling over the joy of having food in your mouth.

Nothing can beat the first relaxing minute when you step inside the steambath, before the heat in that little room starts to burn ur skin; or your first step outside in a new pair of shoes before they decide to cut you.

The first night out in a new outfit that makes you feel half your size before you wash it and it becomes just another outfit in your cupboard that you have worn at least a hundred times. The first hour of the day, when you feel that you might just have enough energy to last throughout the day. The first few minutes when you play the piano, indulging yourself in whatever mood that the song decides to influence you with, before your hands got so swollen and painful.

The first time you met the men of your dreams, the first time your stomach flips, the first time your hear your heart slamming against the ribcage, the first time your eyes met.

At beginnings, things are always so special, new, innocent, unspoiled by experince or boredoom. Hence people always cherish things in the beginning and only at the beginning.

You had fights. You say things that you definately dont mean but all just in a heat of a moment. You forgive each other and move on but never really forget about the words that are spoken. You dont want to show how much you care because thats so uncool. You pretend to act nochalant when you are dying to talk. When you train yourself not to care, the heart listens.

I turn towards the window adjacent to my study table to find out that the sun had been replaced by the moon who turn its back on me and guided people in the other direction.

Just yesterday, it was still shining at my direction so bright an clear.

It soon occurs to me that sometimes, when you are extremely down, even the moon turn its back on you.

It wasnt suppose to be this way.

fuck. why am i so emo today.