After living for almost 1/4 of your life, (let's just pretend we are all going live till 100) you would probably have tons of people whom you can call friends.

Then, usually you'd group them subconsciously according to the place or time you've met them.

So there would be the first group of people you first make friends with when you were really young. Because everyone was naive, simple and fresh, the relationships were straight forward and honest. Everyone have yet to learn how to protect themselves.

Eventually when you matured a little, learned a few lessons and experienced bad relationships, you feel insecure and vulnerable. You then learn to protect yourself from the next group of new friends by hiding who you really are or spending half your time pretending who you are really not.

And when things gets worst, you armed yourself and hide away more when you get to know the subsequent new groups of friends.

Then sometimes, late in the night, when you have too much caffeine exciting your brain cells, you'd do a little bit of reflection. In order to really see your own reflection, the armors worn have to be put down. Layer by layer, you begin to take them down just like layers of onions being peeled from the outside until only the core is left.

You'd be taken aback by your reflection. Or sometimes, you are not even sure if that layer belongs to you or was it just something that you put on to feel protected. You decide to look away and thought that everything will be alright.



But deep down, you know that have lost yourself. You feel empty, helpless and so foolish.

Just exactly like how I'm feeling now.