And the dinner ended, in a peculiar way.

Not that it had begun in the usual comfortable manner though.

It began with a handshake, an introduction and stumbling through the bustling streets of Little India.

I could never get accustom to having dinner uncomfortably with strangers, especially with someone who is of this superiority. I always thought that a dinner should be a relaxed and an enjoyable process, not which one should constantly restraint thoughts and body languages so that the other parties on the table would be pleased.

In another words, I hate socializing, at least not over dinner.

But when he starts to talk, it feels kind of different from what I have expected, the usual solemn and awkward silence. He's a natural speaker, fun-loving and adventurous. His experiences are entertaining and he leads excellently. He deemed every intangible asset as Energy. He believes in making every moment memorable. He is lively, so much so I thought he is going to dance to some Indian music the next minute after dinner.

Really, it has been quite a while since I have last come across someone who lives in such a dynamic manner.

But what really makes me feel like writing tonight is, the one question he asked.

The question that I have been pondering for quite a while since graduation. Something which my parents have never bothered to ask me. It is also the reason why I stopped studying altogether and so often sought solace in drinking after graduation because I simply could not figure out.

He asked, if I have thought of whom I want to become. I replied, not yet.

He looks as if he was expecting something much more. I repeated, this time emphasizing, not yet.

It seems like he've gotten my drift. That I meant I needed time.

I wondered what triggered him to ask. Because I looked amateur? Or probably because I look as if my life is a complete fiasco, even before it has even really begun.

Actually, I was taken aback by the sudden probe. Coming from him, it sounds so simple and absolute. And I almost wanted to blurt out, except that KC was there, it feels kinda weird.

To be honest, I have never thought that I would end up here. I always thought that I would venture into something that means a lot to me, a job that would keep me going not because of the money but the meaning behind it. Something that could make me feel so overwhelmed with passion and that I could simply indulge in the whole affair.

Not that I am unhappy about my current situation, do not misunderstand me. Of course, I'd have my fair share of difficulties but still, I am happy with the people I am working with and I am able to keep myself pretty much alive without any worries.

But then, my definition of a job is that it is suppose to follow you for a lifetime and it should be much more. Something is lacking now, and with my limited vocabulary, I can't seem to point out the exact missing puzzle.

There are just so many things in life I do not understand and everyone seemed too busy to be bothered with.

I could take in concrete facts easily; comprehend any system, principle or theory without much difficulty because they are logical and predictable. But not nonchalance and intangible stuff like relationships; love.

Maybe I should start to accept that not every phenomenon has a rationale or theory behind it and that some things just happen spontaneously.

It’s not like I will be able to fall asleep better if someone walks over and tell me it’s okay, that these are part of growing up.

But still, it would be really sweet if that happens.

Good Night.